Just gave my manager part of my viccodin stash-my job is basically secured forever.
there is mayo everywhere what the fuckkkk
I'm hoping to finish this bottle of wine before I pass out, I don't want the remainder spilling on my white down comforter.
It smelled like mall pretzels. Of course I investigated.
She pulled out a handful of chest hair. And then gave the room a Brave Heartesque speech.
Just traded the drive-through guy at BK a Dos Equis for a Hershey pie before noon... win?
If a hot cougar texts u and says "back massage, blow job".... you show the fuck up.
I need a "closed for the season, thanks for a great summer" sign for my vagina
So far today I've found 3.5 million dollars in savings. Pretty sure management is gonna start buying me hookers if getting laid has this much payoff
dont eat that thats our sex nutella.
Okay let's look at your past accomplishments you've done hungover... Sat great score, academic decathlon, state for track. I think you are solid to go out tonight
Google Maps needs to have a hungover setting. That bitch talks too loud and all I want is breakfast tacos & a bloody fucking mary.
Talked a police officer into driving us the 1/2 mile home from the bars because we didn't want to walk. I never knew the back of cop Cars had plastic seats.
I've scurried myself in your trunk come find me in the morning
YOUR MANICOTTI IS FULL OF LIES
Sorry i meant to send that to my mom
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