Tell LD happy birthday and party like it's $19.99
Recession joke.
Only in Alabama do they play hymns in a bar!!!
She smells like mac and cheese, right after you add the cheese. It's strangely erotic.
The movie was so bad she gave me two blowjobs. Two.
I just had a vision of confetti exploding out of someone's vagina to the sound of air horns... I think that would be welcoming.
I like the way you think.
I heard you shushing me, but my screaming orgasm drowned it out.
You know those twins i had a crush on in grade school? Just woke up between them. Best. Party. EVER.
I have to masturbate tonight while watching every Paul Walker movie ever made. It's what he would have wanted. RIP Paul.
I just wrote the Drag Queen from Saturday Night on FB and apologized for licking her. Weirdest thing I have ever typed...
Trust me. My dick only does selfies for you.
He was playing minecraft so I took a shower with my vibrator
2:34, make a wish! I wish I wasn't on acid at Planned Parenthood. What's yours?
For a guy who won't fuck me, your dick is out a lot when we talk.
I'm eating ice cream out of my purse
I love random hookups in covid sex. Usually girls think me about a one and a half to a two and a half but now that I got this mask on I'm a Solid 6.
Randomize
