We put her face under a blacklight.....it looked like fireworks
dude your girlfriend is running naked down the hall with a raw chicken taped to her stomach saying this is what I'll look like pregnant...run far far away
I want Paula Dean to narrate shark week next year
I just asked the contractor building my house what it would cost to put a garbage disposal in all the shower drains...there was a lot of judging going on.
yeah, that's what i said too. right before i tackled that street sign.
"too many" and "free shots" never belong in the same sentence
We broke into the space center. If i go to jail I wanted to tell you, you have a fantastic dick. Use it wisely.
Theres a guy in your room wearing a franzi box costume and some girl is in the box giving him head.
I'm sick of being the only unemployed member of the group. Doing things alone isn't partying. Its sad.
And at the semi-adult age of 25 I have shit my pants. Not even drunk, just really late to work. Is this real life?
How weird would it be for me to get 1 hour photos printed at CVS of my partially or all nude?
I can insert a female catheter, but I cannot grill a cheese.
idk i was trying to watch Fuller House and you got up out of a dead sleep, just in your boxers, said "no more Dave Coulier" and walked out to the living room and unplugged the router
UPDATE: THERE IS ASS EATING. I REPEAT: THERE IS ASS EATING.
The guy I blew who bought us all the shots last night? I really think he's the TV guy I'm watching give the local weather. Like right now.
Randomize
