i wish there was a holiday celebrated with pizza eating
oh good. ive just found out that i went downstairs at 6 am still blacked out and had a 30 minute conversation with my mom about the different ways to feed our dog
Wait til she sees the pic of her vag in court docs.
Ended the weekend putting away 30 nuggets. Training for 100.
Took an impromptu nap on the floor of a starbucks bathroom using my backpack as a pillow. Please tell me you have been this hungover
don't tell me about being eco-friendly. i just threw up in the same bag i bought my liquor in. RECYCLING
She is the absolute last thing I would want to screw. Honestly. Fellating a porcupine. Higher on the list.
Dance move was taxi-ing on the runway then taking off in a plane. All the boys wanted to beat you up cause they were like "who is this angel flapping her arms like a bird in the bar i must have her"
apparently I stole your wolf lighter. probably bc you made me howl while you puked over your deck railing.
The night before doing drugs with your bro is like Christmas Eve that made love to thanksgiving that made love a virgin.
We need a shit load of segways right now
I broke her handcuffs. I feel like an animal.
I remember climbing onto your table and singing"tequila tequila" into your candlesticks. I apologize.
The twitch Bob Ross stream is the happiest little hangover cure ever.
There's a little game I've come up with since the mess of a party I had; it's called "tinsel or condom wrapper? (or: what's that on the floor?)"
Randomize
