I like waking up with a slight hangover cause I'm dehydrated and it makes me feel thinner.
When she can manipulate the direction of her leg hair, you know its time to leave
after we had sex he told me his original plan was to have sex with my roommate but his buddy likes her so i was backup
did mom hear me barking???
oooooh yeah. good luck explaining that one
sooo high. sooo many dog friends
Dude you were tripping so badly we put a pretend box around your head and you spoke silently for the rest of the night. I think pterodactyls were involved.
She kept telling people I wrecked her brain. That high.
She was wearing some slutty variation of a toga and giving the entire bus a pep talk on why we should black out tonight...I'M IN LOVE AND I DON'T CARE WHO KNOWS IT!
as he was fingering me, all I was thinking about was how lucky his girlfriend is...
That's the last time I send a mass text invitation to smoke a blunt
well it can jab him in the chin so I am 100% sure he can suck his own dick
We need to make tonight low-budget
Is this your way of suggesting flasks?
I can't come. It's so cold my uterine walls have frozen together like a cherry popsicle.
He kept saying "Ayyyyyyy" during foreplay... during sex.... during everything! It felt like I was having sex with friggin Fonzie from Happy Days!
Can I make sure all my sluttiness goes to you when I die? You're the only person I know who'll make use of it
Youre saying I should leave him? Have you seen the dating pool these days? It's terrifying, and in the capital region it's straight Norman Bates
Randomize
