I'm going to shit on something weird... I can't wait
maybe tonight we can turn coloring into a drinking game
i have some very unhappy turtles in my backseat
i just discovered how you can fold down the cardboard sleeve on a hot pocket. Life just got a whole lot easier.
I know we didn't hook up because i was still wearing my fanny pack in the morning
I've thrown up so many times in the third floor bathroom of Baldwin that they should probably just go ahead and name it after me.
Calling yourself a modern day Geisha doesn't justify being a whore.
Just ordered an appetizer sampler to distract the fat chicks so we can escape
his eyes are fucked up, he bumped into the cabinet while standing in my office, and he's pounding chicken soup, and he must have chewed on 8 pieces of gum before he got here.
after she pushed someone down the stairs to get more vodka we lost her for a while and found her on the pole in the garage pouring water on herself
Two questions for you. Did I throw up last night and did we get food or did I dream that..?
No you never threw up but you did force me to take you to wendy's because you wanted "beef and ketchup"
I woke up because a stranger was shoving an already lit bowl into my mouth. Spring break is awesome
I think you were giving a sex seminar on your kitchen table last night.
Afterwards I drank a whole bottle of cake vodka in the bathtub while he was bawling his eyes out. Hands down weirdest hookup I've ever had.
You left me a note that said "The Earth is blowing up. Bring the Rosé." WTF.
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