Tittie bar + Mother In law gone = mission accomplished.
so are u like ashamed lol?
not really. i dont look at it as being homeless. im just going to pretend im on an extended camping trip
If I pass out leave the food near me so i can wake up to it
Another weekend, another 3 guys I have to awkwardly avoid while crossing campus...
Dude, she puked up her Plan B, then reached in the toilet and re-swallowed it. That chick does NOT want a baby
Well yea but it's the principle of the thing.. The fact that he could actually BE your daddy
I waited so long to accept his friend request that he canceled it. So I added him and when he accepted I deleted him. I wonder how long this will be funny to me
Drunk you is everything I aspire to be in life.
Ugh. my cast still smells like fermenting hot tub water and bad decisions.
The only thing worse than being hungover is being hungover and not able to open your mouth wide enough to eat a cheeseburger
Tell me why I woke up spooning a hamburger like it was a teddy bear.
His parents know me as "the white shoed screamer"
I SHITYOUNOT DAN JUST PUNCHED A DEER IN THE FACE. MID LEAP.
I'd marry him just to keep his penis in the country
he said "GREAT SCOTT" as he was cumming.
Randomize
