either we just had an earthquake or I am really good @ masturbating
Seriously. Destroy her vagina. Do it like an angry baboon mating with a gentle manatee.
they had a keg party to fund her abortion.
it was all downhill after the free blackjack taco
Apparently someone switched my cash for monopoly money after midnight so I couldn't get any more drinks at the bar
Find out what day classes start and I will come down to Richmond that weekend. Any broad who claims to be 18-21 will be promptly ID'd. My job has trained me to spot a fake from a mile away, and I don't need a statutory rape charge.
dude you had a hot girl interested and took shots together, as soon as it went down the hatch you upchucked on her entire existance..
successful birthday. 2012 rules
It just wouldn't be valentines day if i didn't invite 90% of the guys i've slept with to go to the strip club with me
She's the perfect storm of great hair, big boobs, intellectualism, and mild moral ambiguity.
I ate breakfast with him. And by ate breakfast I mean we fucked on the kitchen table.
Drink. Fuck. Waffle House. Repeat.
How drunk is too drunk to be on an airplane?
I took the beard trimmer to my balls this morning.\nMuch blood. Much blood from my scrotum.
Good morning 7am walk of shame. It's been awhile.
It's all fun and games until your mom recognizes your bootycall from 2018 as her attorney
Randomize
