she lunged for my junk like it was the cure for swine flu
ok what kind of idiot turns down casual afternoon sex?
my sisters under your porch take her home
I don't know if it's the amount i drank last night or the number of taylor swift statuses on facebook but i feel like puking everywhere
She calls me Shortcake and bites my ear. Trust me, I'm FINE with bein the secret lesbian lover.
she's using the space heater to try to heat up a pop-tart...
asked the girl next to us on line to take a picture of us and she shared her bacardi. i love white people.
You. Me. A bottle of Vodka. The wilderness.
No really tho I'm wearing a chucky cheese shirt and yoga pants. If that doesn't scream no sex idk what does
"YOU A2TE UNDERAGE LOL" Got that at 2am. Gotta stop dating alcoholics.
Vodka and tater tots have managed to satisfy me more than most of the guys I've slept with.
I had 2 shots but she spilt one on me. Kinda mad but kinda grateful
I think my fortune cookie is telling me I give good blowjobs.
now to finish some work and then i think i'll work out. or garden. or at the very least I'll continue eating frozen grapes and take more drugs
I woke up uncovered, spread eagled to my dad saying "you really need to stop sleeping naked."
Randomize
