She was so drunk that I kept trying to switch out her wine for water. Sort of like Jesus, but in reverse.
had another sex dream about alec baldwin...
You saying I have a drinkingg problem is like saying Superman has a flying problem.
sorry he hasn't talked to me since the surprise salvia incident...
If man night ends at some point, hit me up and let me prove my vagina still exists.
just had sex on top of a camper looking at the stars, BEAT THAT.
I happen to have lost a black t-shirt and the volume button from my phone last night. If anyone finds it. You know what to do.
this one kid was speed-mumbling about putting broccoli in the printer
Sometimes I get in situations where I realize they think I'm smarter than I am and then it's just one more thing I have to fake.
I'm about to be a big disappointment.
And suddenly....Tubas. Tubas everywhere.
Grab some lube and condoms and you get a free shirt? College is weird
I'm kinda glad you won't be in Vegas tomorrow because you'd make us go streaking or throw dead animals at them.
Well, I'm most mad that he lied to you (about being married)...but the CAT THING IS A CLOSE SECOND
hooked up with him and then had a conversation with his ex about how we hate people who hook up with our exs...
Granted, I did not plan to spend ANY hour of the last day of 2020 sober.
Randomize
