He just made his dick say "woof" and howl at me. can you pick me up?
Okay I've seen like three girls walking around crying today. Weird?
everyone's regretting their thursdays.
My date keeps hitting on your friend. Had no expectations, but not a real confidence booster.
Whatevss it will be funn .. Hopefully no one projectile vomits on the wall again.. Its kinda become a tradition though
Im in his room watching him sleep. Im going to try and jerk off and not get caught by the nurse.
Considering adding a large amount of vodka to my tomato cup-a-soup at work. Save me.
We just laid there in bed together, petting his dick and repeating, "IT FEELS LIKE VELVET!!!"
Grandpa got a dui while riding a horse. This is what I need to live up to.
OH HAPPY DAYS YOU'RE BOTH GINGERS YOU'LL REPRODUCE YOUR OWN KIND
Woke up to a note written on my hand that read "just because he kisses you, doesn't mean you have to sleep with him"
next time, write it on your vagina so its more effective.
Best compliment ever: Being told that you really understand sex by a professional. After she gave you a HANDJOB.
So some drunk guy just tried to convince me with all of his passion that bacon is a color
You know what? The sex was so bad that I don't even care that I gave him strep.
He's still short.... And probably a douchebag. But if we ever run into him downtown I fully encourage you to take him home and have "I hate you douchebag" sex and lick every inch of that disgustingly toned chest.
just spent the last 20 minutes cleaning out the soap dispenser. fuck. me. adderall.
Randomize
