Denial is the first step to alcoholism…and I don't hate it
i have this theory that all the people in the world who dont like mayonnaise had very bad encounter with jizz once
Apparently one comment in my womens studies class cockblocks yourself for an entire semester.
Just asked the bartender if I could use the register to see my grades.
just 'accidentally' changed my relationship status to 'in an open relationship' just to see what offers I might get if I were to dump him. it's not looking good
And i didn't ask you to do that, You showed your penis at your own free will.
If you see my mugshot on the news tomorrow, its not what you think
Apparently he's into classy girls that wear sweaters and don't throw up on him when they go out.
He changed his profile picture to him as a baby. Definitely a turn off. This will help in my "don't-be-a-slut-endeavors"
It sounds like I am drunk, but I am not. I just have a concussion.
One of the guys I danced with wanted to give me his number so I convinced him I had a photographic memory and that I would remember it.
You realize we were screaming in the car about our apartment next year because we can "bring home randoms whenever we want" and "stare at each other from our door ways"
I might run out into oncoming traffic. Id rather break my legs and/or die then continue with today.
Never underestimate the power of loudly proclaiming you want to make out with someone
I wanna borrow his axe at this point and cut my head open just to relieve some pressure
Randomize
