There is something about drinking on a golf course and getting with younger women that just really makes me feel at home.
It's sad that he has such a beautiful cock and doesn't know what to do with it.
I think I left a blow job at your house. Can I come down and get it?
I gave it to your brother to give to you.
He tried to make an olympic torch by lighting a corona box on top of a pool cleaner.
Just found a peacock feather in my car. Should I be the least bit concerned about this?
My financial advisor filed my girlfriend's abortion under "investments" so my wife wouldn't find out
Lets go see if some hobos will give us a prostate massage for a 40 ounce.
Buying a pregnancy test at Walmart in the middle of the night in the middle of Tennessee is not really how I imagined my 25th year on this planet starting out...
I'm still drunk. I put on workout clothes this morning and just puked in my bathroom. That's the same as going to the gym, right?
He told me if he passed out to wake him by sitting on his face, and if he suffocated at least he would die happy. Found the one.
Tried to shave my legs but the rug burn on my knees from last night got in the way.
Me and my liver are not on speaking terms.
You think your roommate is bad? The guy they paired me with is such a nerd, his very presence at a party blocks every cock in the room.
Dude, I wish I could live my entire life blacked out.
I prefer to think of hangovers as extreme sobriety, which can only be cured by more booze
Randomize
