the condom got lost in my hair
You can't date a girl from every country.
I'm the captain planet of women
Margaritas are 250 calories. Now measuring all food in margaritas
You really need to get over the whole "jail" thing. Its really not that bad.
Slipping me an edible before my ochem final was not your brightest idea. Looks like I'm switching to business.
Just played slippy cup. Flip cup plus slip n slide. What did you do with your fourth of july?
I don't care how sexy you think I look in my scrubs. Wanting a blow job is not a medical emergency.
She just broke into my apartment while I was asleep, woke me up and drunkenly tried to seduce me for about 2 minutes, then passed out..
It was a shot marathon. It only ended because we werent drinking in our house apparently we walked into the nieghbors. When they got home thy were soooooo pissed.
dropping lines from Workaholics has slowly become my icebreaker when hitting on girls. who would have thought "lets get weird" would cause girls to actually get weird
THIS IS A TERRIBLE REWARD FOR NOT GETTING PREGNANT.
I slept awesome next to you. You're like an electric blanket that I can have morning sex with.
you should probably call the Bronx Zoo in the morning to formally apologize
its the right thing to do
His wife just cheated on him for the third time. I'm his first extra-marital fling, that makes it ok, right? You know to keep karma balanced in the universe
Your logic is flawless...
I'm not too sure what happened last night, but by the looks of it, we must have gotten drunk with zebras.
Randomize
