sleeping like a two year old who chased ambien with a bottle of whiskey.
Just dunked an oreo in a white russian. Trying to think of a better experience in my life and failing.
All I want to do right now is burp, puke, and fart. In that order.
I sent her a Relationship Request on Facebook last night, she accepted and we fucked.. I changed my Relationship Status to Single, I think she'll get the point
the girl in my class has a rolling backpack and just told it to stay. im too hungover for this.
its so hard to text. the buttons are tickling my fingers
Don't you dare blame me for walking in one walking in on ur fuck session....u decided to fuck where we hid our booze
How can I explain how nice he is to you? ...like, I'm going to have to have my world famous why being a douche is sexy talk.
yes i am an adult who snuck out of my parents house to cuddle with a guy and then came home and listened to taylor swift. judge me all you want.
Note to self: don't practice nerdy white girl dance choreography in the company bathrooms no matter how nice the huge mirrors and lighting are.
it's too much effort for something that isn't food.
Thanks for bringing that stuff to help me feel better...you know, the water, the Gatorade, and the dick. You really are the best friend ever.
He said that he made a girl squirt to the ceiling and I got curious
Btw, you owe me. One (1) orgasm.
Excuse me I just made a hot pocket without burning down the house, I think i can do anything.
Randomize
