hey its robert, we just made out in the backyeard. i'm inside now and you should come to the bathroom and meet me.
So thats when I found out ur supposed to put the penut butter on your balls not your dogs balls, feels alot better
The only coherent words in the 6 texts i recieved were don't, cute, fucking, beer, and lions
Birthday was great, I got entirely too drunk and made really poor life decisions. It was everything a birthday should be.
Everytime I see a couple on campus walking and holding hands I just want to yell he's gonna lie!
mom just asked if we are going to need more kaluha as she pulls 5 out of the cupboard. this xmas might kill me
It's like the god of all feather dusters, but for your vagina
It really is the softest mustache
The cops raided her house the day before class even started
Those assholes are becoming so efficient
We got way too high so we're sitting in the parking lot of the movies trying to figure out what bar to go to
Thank you <3 he just looked at me, fist bumped me, and asked me what was on my titty....we may cut her off
Had to walk of shame past Westminster Abbey this morning. Pretty sure a Japanese tourist took a photo of me.
He told me that his greatest skill was making White Russians.
so much tequila, so little girl.
It’s easy for me to be professional, the tough part is finding the perfect amount of bitchy undertone
So here I am, sexting at work.
Randomize
