Okay you're seriously so fucking annoying its like having a baby
I find it ironic that homeless people are so good in bed
You were pretty committed to that cat costume. Between pukes, you would meow and assure people that you just had a hairball you couldn't get out...
Did you get drunk last night? You put Christian lyrics as your fb status again.
I just got a new temperpedic mattress pad and started smoking weed again in the same week. finding motivation to go to a 9:AM class is close to impossible.
It looks like a tornado ripped through our living room and scattered clothes everywhere.
Count the bras. It was a category 3 whorenado ... I convinced the lesbians to come back to the apartment for a bottle of wine.
I got drunken sympathy for the whales' plight last night and signed up to give $50 monthly to Greenpeace. Calling to cancel was worse than the hangover.
Hear that? That's the wail of a dying whale. Murderer.
It was going alright when lo and behold Tom the cock blocking tornado hits. He is the only man I know who doesn't want anyone to fuck girls.
Oh man, are we repeating last 4th of July?!
That shouldn't even be a question, it's a tradition now. Hope your manhood is ready.
And then she said "wanna make a vine of me twerking on the wall?"
Ever the responsible adult, I just realized that today is the Obamacare deadline, but I'm too high to handle insurance now.
I think he's trying to finish jacking off before throwing up again
Beard. Chest hair. Job.
The holy trinity.
We had an argument over whether or not she had super strength. She settled it by dragging me to the bed room and throwing me on the bed. Then forcefully fucking me. She won the argument.
With each thrust he'd whisper "like a ninja." Should I be flattered or appalled?
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