It's pouring out. I am cold, wet, and miserable.... Kind of reminds me of our sleepover last night.
i have to start hiding my credit card when i drink i woke up this morning with 4 emails from Farmville telling me i spent over $800 on coins last night
I am the drunkest girl in the tree.
just overheard a conversation that ended in "and that's what I learned in France" How could that not have been about sex
If you ever get the opportunity, make fun of how small his dick is for me
Its like a zucchini between his legs. An orgasmic zucchini.
I have a video (on my shattered iphone) of a random DJ at some bar giving me a birthday shoutout and texts from random numbers talking about birthday sex. My birthday is in April... Happy birthday to me?
Come over, I want to eat cookie dough off your dick.
I don't think it's considwred fine dining when you're passing out at golden palace in chinatown at 4 am with you boss who happens to be wearing a dress.
He has a lot of emotional energy invested in your vagina.
Just puke out the sadness. Like a fuckin dragon.
Jesus Christ. How the fuck do you not tell someone that your wife can see on the phone bill who you text and how many times ?
I just ordered a onesie on amazon in the back of the ambulance while my patient was sleeping. I'm an adult
I just threw up a strange neon green substance. Did I eat a glow stick last night?
Humming the Indiana Jones theme song as my hand makes its way to his dick.
Randomize
