I think your mom looks like a breed of donkey and elephant, but her boobs are perfect
Hello everyone will one of you please inform me on why I woke up in a cardboard recycle dumpster with no shirt and a stuffed animal? I want to hear this explanation.
Your godly.
I just had to give myself a pep talk to stop lying on my floor. Literally too hung over to function
so does the 200 for rent and 150 for utilities include the never telling my boyfriend about the guys i bring home.. or is that extra?
He got thrown out for leaning over the bar topless and pouring himself some beer while singing the james bond song
he was inside of, then got up said "we don't want you having a baby," grabbed his car keys and left. so now i'm just sitting on his bed, wondering if he's coming back.
I WILL NOURISH YOU WITH SOUP AND PENIS!!!!!! And a sandwich of your choosing.......you like turkey?
And then you asked me why my legs were so thick and started measuring them with a ruler
Sometimes I actually rage on Tuesday, come back, and do homework drunk and pull an all nighter.
Only three months past my 21st and I'm done. So many life lessons in so little time.
I know you're aving fun across the room but I can clearly see you getting a handy. It's not as "low key" as she promised. Also, why are you texting while she's doing it?!
Riddle me this: I can stream porn just fine but try and watch my college class and nooo it won't work
Be there in 4 minutes
Just had someone from Hells Angels snort coke off my tits...so I'm pretty much done with life now. 💀
Do you realize our room single-handedly hooked up with most of that wedding party last night?
Idk if you've ever tried hysterically crying in the shower listening to Florence + The Machine but it's honestly a life-affirming experience
Randomize
