I am really glad that on the inside of a card from your grandparents you have transcribed the rules for circle of death
she just put all the cheese in the refrig to sleep.. and yes we did finish you bottle.
i'm sure there's a big cosmic reason for things working out the way they did. like, now you have awesome images to masturbate to.
Kanye's agent is the only person whose job sucks worse than mine.
how do you wash the taste of whore out of your mouth?
I just experienced a full blown christian wedding. I am SO GLAD YOUR WEDDING WASNT THIS.
Show him your tits if he says no
They're not help-me-out-of-jams tits. They're I-fake-people-into-thinking-they-look-good tits.
Not sure if he was actually hot or hot in a "he brought a live chicken to the party" kinda way but I got his # regardless
I'm calling into work tomorrow for day drinking and kitten shopping. Totally legitimate.
I got head this morning from the 31-year-old version of Jenn. It was like a blow job from the future while a simultaneous blast from the past for 10 minutes.
There has been a song made about you fucking his roommate.
It's destiny.
Sexy intern needs to have caveman sex with me
I'm not saying you're stupid, just that you have bad luck when thinking...
I am so horny. It's like all the stress of finals week has relocated to my vagina.
TSA doesn’t allow handcuffs in carryon bags. Super fun they confiscated them in front of my boss and coworker.
Randomize
