Black thong, sheer white shorts not a professional look. This chick has no idea what sunlight makes her outfit look like.
so i'm sitting in his room drinking tequila from the bottle and watching harry potter. he's jacking off to some porn a couple feet away from me. at one point i look over and see that he's watching me instead of the porn. please help me figure out how warped it is that i found that romantic
i was taking the test and had to adjust my boner and my teacher thought i was cheating or something
I'm really hoping to find some quality strange ass tonight while at my court appearance.
FUCK BUDDYS DON'T HOLD HANDS. NO EXCEPTIONS.
I was tied up in bed before noon, the rest of the day can go to hell.
I forgot that I thought it would be a good idea to hairspray my toilet seat last night after I took 12 shots of vodka so when I just went to pee, I stuck to the toilet. Never drinking again.
Too many penises have met your hands. Stop or die.
Most girls get hit on with a $7.00 drink. You get hit on with a $750K plane.
Do you think it's wrong for me to hop on that dick before he realizes that he's gay?
Drunk Sam makes promises that Sober Sam can't keep
A guy I hooked up with YEARS ago just endorsed me on LinkedIn for "customer service".
It's not even 8:30a, wine glass is broken, there's sugar everywhere, and your mom just asked me what MILF means.
I FEEL LIKE HILARY MUST FEEL WHEN TRUMP MANSPLAINS AT HER
My first hangover at work. I'm officially an adult.
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