Just saw a man jogging. For recreation. At 3am. Who's he training to be, batman?
the bulge in his pants is not junk. its hair. trust.
She forced me to throw up so it would "rejuvenate" me. It worked and then we took six more shots and did a keg stand. You know what I call that? Friendship.
you know by doing this we are using dad as a drug mule right?
they would be such cute babies and they would grow up to have huge dicks. and that would make me proud as a mother
I apparently spent $173 at the bar last night. The proof is in the vomit on my pillow and the receipt I tried to clean it up with.
Sadly him cutting me out of the duct tape dress was NOT the most awkward part of the night. It was a littleeee moist under there.....
I thought you just gave him blowjobs and he criticized your drug use.
we have what I like to call an assload of ramen noodles
Dude if her licking my face hammered isn't love I don't really want to know what love is.
Thats Poetry
Well right but if we go, he may just disappear for a long time into the unknown with the drag queens.
Can I tell you that I just incorporated the spice girls in my sexting and you not judge me
We watched playoff games and fucked so we could both see the TV. I've now found true love.
Are you drunk? You left me a voicemail at 5:59 AM of you making dolphin sounds.
I am the image of restraint, it's why im just hungover and not in the hospital
Randomize
