so then you didnt wanna fuck tonight right?
oops, you werent supposed to get that until you left.
I am puke
If we're like this now and women reach their sexual peak in their 30's, I can't even fathom what our futures hold.
I woke up and he had cut my bangs and put makeup on me.
I don't care how good they make you look, you've got to stop sleeping with gay guys.
yea im pretty sure it has something do with my love of forearms...
I just remembered that he had fake blood all over his face last night. I woke up with it all over my dick. He was 50. Please don't judge me.
I love my life sometimes. I do miss being an adult, from time to time, but a little vodka always changes my mind.
She tied her key to her bra the night before and couldn't get it off while trying to open the door this morning so she just took her bra off and let it tangle from the key while unlocking the door...the old Indian couple next door were shocked.
First stoner thought of the day: Life would be so much better if there were more things that were biscuits and gravy flavored.
So I was bartending last night and this guy w/ his gf said that he recognized me, so I asked him, "do you watch a lot of gay porn?"
I just can't even fathom the crazy and I work at a mental hospital.
No I did not just post a Craigslist ad for a used stripper pole because I can't afford my own. But now that you put the idea in my head I might have to.
I woke up with a black eye and a buttplug...not sure I really want to know what happened.
woke up with 8 used magnum condoms bound together by floss around my neck, thats about all im gonna tell you.
I just saw a chick driving drinking a juice box smoking all while on the phone that is talent
Randomize
