Now it won't go down.
You've got a gift.
if one more of _____'s family tells me "you're next" i'm going to shoot myself. Thank god for gin (most protestant phrase ever at the most Jewish wedding ever)
Ask for a julep and start talking about how you much prefer the uncircumsized peen. that should probably stop them.
BROstal carolina. Watching a boy drinking rum and coke out of a cup of noodle empty cup.
Today was my first day of hebrew and I learned how to say give me sex... I think I can quit now
It's hard to be above the influence when you are the influence.
Pretty sure I just had sex with the black kid who grew up in a car from "angels in the outfield"
How come I never meet celebrities?
you're being stingy. if you didnt want people to have sex on your couch, you shouldve specifically said so.
you tried to fill your inhaler with vodka
There's an old guy having a conversation with his penis in the bathroom right now.
Sorry about the flaming shit on your door
I never thought I'd be in my late 20s and send that text
i went to the 24h massage place last night and brought down the price for a hand job from $50 to $12.75 and half the big mac left in my bag.
I think I caught your cold through my vagina. It was worth it.
Well shove his head down there and tell him not to stop til we have a new president!
So we hooked up and then instead of texting me, he endorsed me on LinkedIn for Microsoft Word a few days later
I fucked her on her ex's Yankee sheets while she was wearing an Ortiz jersey...of course she gets to meet my mother
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