I really think my calling is to star in a Live Links commercial
he sent her a picture of his penis to show that he "trusts her" or some shit like that..well she showed it to me, and let me just tell you..it looked like a freaking slug or something. creepiest penis i've ever seen. hands down
If there was an emoticon for a sad penis, i would send it to you
batman tramp stamp. Dibs.
the "its better than getting an actual virus from an actual porn star" argument failed.
I found what appears to be half an E pill and part of a tooth in my pocket this morning
It's just one of those nights that , as long as you have the drugs, everything is going to be alright.
Just did a keg stand the dropped my phone in the toilet. Sorry for partying.
You did a keg stand on the toilet?!
I'm sitting in my 10 am lecture drinking a flask out of a dorritos bag...I think people are starting to notice but I'm already too drunk to care
Diet Starts Tomorrow! Guy from McDonalds asked if I got a new car...
the fact that you have a guy named the "i want you to tie me up and fuck me" guy speaks volumes about your life.
I got inside last night via doggy door
If your gig isn't over in 30 minutes I am coming on that stage to come on your dick.
Someone keeps hanging up bible verse posters in the bathroom stall I masturbate in at work.
High. As. Fuck. I thought the kid next to me didn't have an arm for like 2 hours.
Hahahaha I'm glad you woke me up with this text.
Randomize
