Bullshit. I know you're watching The Dog Whisperer
That Cesar Milan is captivating
just as he was about to cum he started shouting "I THINK I CAN! I THINK I CAN!" over and over again.
Just so you know.. I just graduated college with your name still written on my chest
If that doesn't scream bromance I dont know what does
I need to find my pants, a way out of here, and a cheeseburger.
They let me keep the giant cocktail glass because I threw up in it. And made out with the bartender. Europeans are so generous. I'm getting it engraved
Today needs to die. The mail delivery guy watched me throw up in my yard while taking my chihuahua out in Christmas pajamas at noon. Low point in my life.
You're gonna judge me.
Howd you sleep with him already
You just kept screaming "COME GET ME OFFICER, MY ALLIGATOR MEANS BUSINESS" while swinging a beanie baby alligator at him.
I may or may not have just let Ash Ketchum capture my wild Pikachu in a parking lot.
So I have to borrow my moms car tomorrow to go pick up my ID from the strip club so I can board my plane tomorrow
Idk what the interview would be like but I imagine you in a suit and tie surveying a nervous freshman and eventually leading him into a labyrinth of debauchery and clapping him on the back, saying "welcome to the fraternity, son"
It's a sad night when one of your friend texts you that she's going on a date with someone you know and then invites you to maybe have a drink after
Should we make a shared Google doc list of places we want to fuck? Like a scavenger hunt?
You were so fucked you introduced me to a pile of Laundry
I wondered why I slept in the front room
I don't remember anything from last night, but at track I found my thong next to the high jump pit... So it must has been decent
Randomize
