Black out sex on the trampoline? yes please.
It was great. Even bought me breakfast in the AM
From?
Well, he didn't exactly take me out, but left a $20 on the table...
do you remember waking up from your blackout, kissing me ever so softly on the stomach, and saying "i love you bro. so much," then passing back out?
The gyno asked how many partners i've had... I said ummmm she goes ok then i'll just put down ten.
Talking about the game in the closet with a banana wearing sunglasses.
At a Jewish lesbian wedding. I stick out like a sore, uncircumcised penis.
Just so you're aware, tomorrow is "Slow Clap when you see Mike" day.
So my birthday was awesome. Only remember 45 min of it but I woke up with a girl on the couch and a half bowl of ground beef
I think we should take up crocheing or stamp collecting....something completely lacking penises
Fuck off I wasn't that drunk. I was still able to toss froot loops in the air and catch them in my mouth.
And in your bra. It was quite entertaining.
He woke up & asked where his pants were then asked where he was then asked who I was. Been married 20 yrs. He was drunkest ever.
You ever fart so bad at work that you think about taking a sick day just to spare your coworkers from the savage olfactory beating they are about to receive?
Come over. We have half a bottle of jumbo champagne left and no boyfriends to slow us down
I'd like to thank Vicodin for getting me through family thanksgiving once again.
PROBABLY?!! And here I was, about to buy you a glow-in-the-dark banana-flavored cock ring... Now I "probably" won't.
Randomize
