i totally forgot about the coupon that said i would show him how i pleasure myself.
we lost you for like an hour and then found you at some dive bar trying to teach dance lessons
I'm drinking while I write this paper. When I can't see the screen anymore I'm gonna come out
You kept running into the wall most of the night. When people asked you what you were doing you told them you were the kool-aid man and there was little kids on the other side of the wall who needed your juice
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I cannot believe how calm you were last night about telling Katie she was on fire.
my left tit made it into the crop job on your profile pic, I knew it was good for other things
you did a full monologue with your sober self last night. different voices and everything.
Dude I really need to stop drinking. I chugged a whole bottle of ketchup last night.
Oh please not the Easy Cheese again. That was weird.
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I'm driving home wearing one sock, boxers, and a tee shirt. That's how good it was
Just please don't close your legs while I'm down there again. I don't want my death to be labeled as "Head crushed while giving an individual cunnilingus".
I just put condoms in a mason jar because it looked prettier than the box.I think I've peaked.
just saw two eagle scouts making out in chic-fil-a
I watched one of the videos of you hanging from the rafters, and it is both violent and sexual in nature.
No, he came home, unscrewed all of the lightbulbs, and threw them in the sink.
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