I've decided to film a documentary centered around how he manages to keep that beast caged in such tight pants
BLOW JOB GIRL IS IN WALMART
Some people actually refer to her as Kaitlyn you know.
I just read the lonely terrorist on nwa had 40 more friends than me on facebook
I accidentally requested the ides of march off instead of st patricks day. Is this an omen? will alcohol be my brutus?
We were hooking up and you crawled into bed with us, because you had lost your phone and didn't "want to be alone at a time like this."
I'm heating up a hotdog using a candle.
Next time we include dessert condiments into our sex life we can fuck up my sheets. It's only fair.
Next time we smoke don't let me talk. I just said something and it sounded like I was speaking in hashtag.
I'm watching my cat lick a used condom wrapper on my nightstand and I'm too hungover to move and do anything about it. Tequila Tuesdays can not be a thing.
I just sent Brandon a snapchat where I wasn't wearing a shirt but had a rooster drawn on my boobs that said "cock block" and laughed for 10 minutes I have problems don't judge me
Come back. Shots need mouths.
Somehow you're a lightweight AND an alcoholic. Rare combo in one person. Well done.
OMFG. JUST WALKED IN ON A DUDE JERKING IT IN THE MCDONALDS BATHROOM
Stall or urinal?
Today will be the day I throw up in my backpack in the middle of class
I think someone shaved off all their pubes in the handicap stall or a werewolf stopped by the office to take a crAzy dump!
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