and then you made a playlist that was just "party in the usa" on repeat...
the only thing he could say in english were 'insert coin here' and 'game over'. i love spanish men.
In retrospect pumpkin carving while drinking Patron was a bad idea.
I don't think the cop knew you were on ecstasy until you asked for a back rub.
I just got released from jail. still in my kilt. bring pants damnit. they won't understand.
pants will make it better? really?
He just remixed a spongebob song with 2 chainz..... Clearly I love him
I'm like five sips away from making a Craigslist post for true love and mustaches. My family is going to disown me tonight.
I am just saying if Clark Kent walks into your life, you fuck him
Mike Pence got the fuck boy eyes though
If walking through the neighborhood with a bottle of tequila and margarita mix is postgrad life, I'm okay with it
He has fairy lights round his bed.. And played Jamie cullum when we had sex... Hes batting for the other team right?
Anyone who can sit 4 hours in a doobie circle with their feet in a kiddie pool is ok by me
remember when we said that thing when we met about how we were each glad we weren’t furries
ok listen,
He was a half hour late. His excuse was that his brother knifed him right before he was going to leave. I didn't believe him until I saw the gauze.
The sex would be better if it wasn’t interrupted because his home detention ankle monitor needed charging. At least I know he’s not cheating on me
Do you even hear yourself?
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