so when i dont talk to her she talks to herself...idk whats worse
some guy just walked by in the street and for 5 seconds yelled "IMM SOOOO HORNYYYYYY!!!!"
Most eventful shower ever. Jacked off, peed and puked in there.
IF CHARLIE SCHEEN CAN DO IT I CAN DO IT IM A PROFESSONAL
I feel like I have African malaria. I just remembered singing Teenage Dream in full to that biker couple at the bar.
I created another version of Halloween, it's called swalloween, whatever girl in a slutty costume you bring home has to swallow or forever be known as the holiday grinch
The best part about living in a college town is the annual rush of senior girls who want to get in their lesbian experiment before they graduate.
I woke up this morning to my house being turned into a bad European dance club at 8:30am. Do you know what "UNS UNS UNS" sounds like at 8:30am? Murder. It sounds like murder.
I fell into his fridge. I want to leave.
LMAO I like how "don't worry I'll bring chasers" is your way of assuring things will be ok
I was just thinking about if my bath water turned to jello and got a little freaked out
Hey so I got my period
Thank god I wasn't ready to deal with sober you for 9 months
I'm a mess. I mean I almost got off but I'm a fucking rubics cube down there so il givenhim the point
Nana added me on facebook...i think i'll have to call her and warn her about my lifestyle before i confirm her as a friend.
I just baptized you in budweriser and you were cool with it
Randomize
