Even my Mr Clean Magic Eraser can't make last night disappear.
There is something about drinking on a golf course and getting with younger women that just really makes me feel at home.
I never want a future conversation of ours to include the words "quart of semen" in it
her bridesmaids come in huge, huger, wtf, and free willy. all their gown are strapless. its like watching the Hindenburg waddle down the isle.
Turns out shot glasses hold the perfect serving of sour patch kids....I still fail to see how not having any real glasses is an issue
it was like that last scene in "It's A Wonderful Life" but with alcohol
As usual, I had to fight him for his car keys. Though this time he made it to the valet garage. All the Hispanic attendants gathered around and watched. Felt like I was in a cock fight.
So a list of things I should stay away from bringing up at dinner with your fiance tonight?
1) you and I went to a strip club 2) i saw you topless at said strip club 3) i cried when we watched the Real World
Things are burning & the world smells of peanut butter. It's beautiful.
I came back and almost ran over two people passed out in my driveway I've never met before in my life
We really shouldn't need this many nicknames for the women you've had sex with.
I'm horny too so maybe we will both recap our regrets on Sunday
I was woken up at 6 am by a second grader trying to give me a sweatshirt for a pillow
You, me, naked, mistletoe, fifth of jack, gallon of lube, condoms, Cheetos, handcuffs, rope, along with no morals, inhibition or judgment. That's all I want for Christmas.
Update: tequila girl had her hand down groomsmen pants
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