Dude feel your hair right now it feels so weird like pasta
do you think you could subtly ask him about the dimensions of his penis?
We don't need a hotel, we'll just sleep in the post office.
He went around feeding all the high kids pretzels. He's like their god now
i feel sorry that you can never enjoy the feeling of shaved balls
The pigeons can smell the fear
Wtf
Today wasn't Sunday Funday, it was more like Sunday god is taking a shit on my life day
They should just send me home - I'm literally doing nothing but watching porn and listening to pandora.
I just compared his sexting to a plate of spaghetti. And he STILL wants to sleep with me.
Do you still speak french? one of two girls I woke up with only speaks french...
So this bar tattoo not looking that great now
What i love about my dog is i can lay in bed and masturbate with him at the foot, and he just leaves me alone.
In going to go underground and live with the mole people for a while.
He asked if I was a pirate because my "arrrrrrrrse" was worth burying. 10/10 for effort, 20/10 for serial killer vibes.
don't take this the wrong way, but I'm not drunk but I need you to take me to the ER and you're the most likely to not be drunk now.
Randomize
