yeah, i liked him til i heard he had a sac that could apparently smother my face.
i also saw a trio of peacocks walking along a sidewalk in hollywood today. i really hope im not tripping.
I knew I had to get an abortion when his toddler sister came up to hug my leg and I kicked her off saying, "Get off, fucker."
while 90% of the female population goes to worship a fictional character tonight at midnight, I will be taking advantage of having the bars ALL TO MYSELF.
i just lost my virginity for the 9th time. when will guys stop believing that nonsense line
Her boobs are too amazing to be looking at my dick. I'm even ashamed.
Hey so I just want to get straight to the point it was me who ate the last cupcake and it was your sister who I fucked last nigt
after she rolled over and said 'i'm so glad you're like my gay best friend, love you' then left. did i just get friendzoned AFTER sex??
That's fine. It's not illegal to bring ham into a museum.
I think "we've never met sober" is a great relationship to have with someone
All I'm saying is that if he knows his wife walks around naked during the day, he shouldn't bring a friend home for lunch and show up unannounced.
Maybe whip a sausage around while you do it and pour some beer on you. Like a German white snake video
Well I only snuggle him I don't hump him. That's rude.
i just remembered i drunk watched the brave little toaster last night
she bought my drinks all night, made me breakfast in the morning, and let me use her expensive hair products before i left. best one night stand ever.
Randomize
