Only in Alabama do they play hymns in a bar!!!
hey bro how do you do that fake vagina thing with the tp roll? im bored.
I'm sitting in class drinking a forty out of a paper bag. No ones said anything yet. I think my professor is trying to ignore me. Better start yelling louder.
There's 12 honey baked hams in my fridge. I vaguely recalled you organizing a "Midnight Ham Run."
It's like if you got one of your titties chopped off...think of how much one would miss the other...that's how I feel when we're apart. A tit with no twin.
Beer and cheesecake and spinning in cirlcles why did you let me do this to myself
YOU STOLE THE WEDDING CAKE?!?!
Only one tier
Tastes like cardboard anyway
I don’t know what's weirder; the fact that I weigh more with an erection..or the fact that I actually weighed myself with an erection...
Sorry for rubbing my feet on you and repeating "good pony, stay."
They were loudly fucking last night and there was way too much conversation involved. It wasn't even dirty talk, it was more like "your doing it wrong" talk
I said "sucks to suck" to a cop last night. We've been snapchatting.
I had a meltdown and you quoted Puddle of Mudd to me
he was wearing a widestriped red gingham suit jacket with complete sincerity im not surprised she beat the shit out of him
You barfed off the front porch while the elderly neighbors were walking their dog. We had to convince them not to call 911.
Pics or it didn't happen.
Got so high i fell asleep kyaking...for 2 hours.
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