i broke my thumb. i no longer have 2 opposable thumbs. i'm sub-human. i love vicodin.
she claims you yelled BOMBS AWAY when you came. tell me she's lying
but she didn't tell you i squeezed, built up pressure, and napalmed her face as i yelled it, did she
If no ones going to say it, then I will. Vanessa Hudgens boobs are weird looking
Either allow it in a formal toast or i will drunkenly tell your in-laws while i'm dancing on their table. either way, the truth is coming out
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I heard you were walking home with taylor with your dress completely up and your ass exposed
Yeah, that sounds like my life.
He said that he didn't know what level the sun was on, and then he puked.
But Alex is drunk in Philly and I told him to come see me so that's "first-love,-drunk,-high,-and-it's-a-snow-day-hook-up-with-an-ex" points. 69
I just remember being in the bathroom alone cussing out the bunny
I just lit a candle in my room using axe and a lighter, that's how bored I am. Let's get schwasted.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Please tell me that chemistry equipment is for chemistry and not for producing felonies.
I can only send "I want your dick" texts to so many guys before I accidentally over-book myself. I need a day planner.
I was worried he'd break you after the hiatus your lady parts had to take from social interaction.
Shoot me. Oh my god shoot me. My moms ex "likes assholes"
We fucked, she finished, high fived me, the pulled a celebratory pack of gushers out of her purse for each of us. I'm going to marry your sister dude.
I am literally watching TV with sunglasses on because the brightness hurts my hangover
Randomize