side note. good thing you didn't come to drunk breakfast. we were judged by children.
I don't care how many kiddie pools are in our house. One is too many.
I fell asleep to him stroking my ass calling it his precious.
She's doing hand stands on the train as I type. Idk if I'm impressed it embarrassed. Or turned on.
They let me close the tennis center alone. It's a 6-minute drive from 2 of my booty calls. Scratch tennis court bj off the bucket list.
I'm making him come over again tonight. I don't know how long this thing will last so I want to spend as much time with his dick as possible.
I feel like that's something that he should've asked me over dinner..... instead of with his hand down my pants? maybe not
Hey, I'm probably about to be arrested but I didn't want to wake you. But it would be cool of you to get the $500.00 I have in the box I keep my "medicine" in and come bail me out. Also I figured you would be amused at the thought of me fending off brutal prison rape tonight.
Didn't have the heart to tell him that while he was eating my ass I was laughing, not moaning, into the pillow
Happy birthday and sorry I punched your friend in the face
Welcome to my Tuesday when my lesbian ex girlfriend shows up unexpectedly and gets me drunk and then leaves
All I want to do is drink an excessive amount of free alcohol bought from strange men, while taking frequent trips to the bathroom to snort an assortment of illicit drugs off dirty toilet seats. Break cannot get here quick enough...
It seems I've entered my 21st birthday the same way I entered this world: naked, crying and smothered in someone else's bodily fluids...
Call me a snob but I'm not banging chicks with more fingers than teeth.
I think it's a bit on the nose for the Uber driver to play stairway to heaven while driving like A psycho.
Randomize
