I showed him my bush... on skype.
its easy. just sleep with a bunch of guys until one falls in love
I almost got runover on the sidewalk by a car but wen it got closer it was a crackhead walking with the whole front of a car... bumper, lights and all... I love New York.
I woke up to the bathroom door of steak n shake hitting me in the face at 4 in the morning...
I woke up laying in alphagetti with the message "I'd go get checked asap" written out in the letters.
I'm in my winter jacket and nothing else. very drunk. bring bitches.
Giving the kids Children's Claritin and calling it candy.....Is it setting them up for drug abuse later?
It's basically the same plan, only step one gets revised to "look hot enough that he forgets I fucked his roommate"
mate, my mother watched me threw up out of my nose wearing only a g-string.
I'm sitting in Starbucks, waiting for direction in my life, or it to be 8 p.m. Whatever comes first.
How bad would it be if I wore out the dress we got peed on in. You're the only one who knows.
I don't remember much and some girl almost convinced me to jump off the bridge while she held my stuff...
Have you ever gotten so angry that you stripped in public?
I swear, I make more use of my creative writing major with sexting than I do with anything else
Who knew she had talents apart from chugging wine spritzers
Randomize
