I'm drunk
Is that why you're texting me
Yes
We need to have an Itty-Bitty Titty Committee mtg somewhere in the range of 5 minutes to ASAP.
i was so high it looked like the chipmunks movements were coordinated to that lady gaga song
she gave him a mild concussion from throwing him against the wall in an attempt to dance with him. gotta love monday nights at the sandbar.
I love the moment a guy admits defeat against the front clasping bra.
there was this guy running across campus barefoot in the pouring rain stepping in all the puddles. i want his life. and i want to be stripper.
Aw c'mon. You have to see if the spinning penis rumor is true.
He called my vagina a rainforest. This is coming from a guy whose pubes are longer than his dick.
New development. Drinking at work is so easy and awesome I might have to do it everyday.
The bad decision stars are too close to aligning to risk this tonight.
I feel like having peed on eachother is a point in our lives we should never have gotten to...
Figured out how I got so much alcohol in my hair: tried to drink my drink using my cleavage as a cup holder. Missed my drink hole and got it all in my hair
Reasonably certain my seventh grade teacher is encouraging me to drop acid on twitter
Are we at that point yet where I can just say "I want you to sit on my face"? If not, want to go out for "drinks"?
You know you're out of shape when you're sore after masturbating.
Randomize
