where are you
in your bedroom
how did you get in
your wife…
WTF
he said he wants to do me james and the giant peach style. im afraid of what that means. but moderately excited. wish me luck.
Annd you probably wouldn't of fallen down the stairs if you didn't insist on taking 'finale shots'
I started making breakfast to subdue the hangover and last of the shrooms and only got as far as eating a half frozen pierogi out of a dixie cup.
I was to drunk to walk in jimmy john's so I called and got a pickle delivered to me outside the bar , too much?
I just ditched my friends to hang out with the chilis restaurant crew...one of these girls better have daddy issues
Ended up at a lesbian bar and almost got stabbed in the eye with a dart. Weirdest bachelor party ever.
Last time i was there we saw the window of the pizza place we were at get busted, we were pulled out of a taxi to be questioned by the cops, and we peed outside a waffle house. I'm in.
Vagic. Defined as a kind of magic one has over a girl's vagina. Used in a sentence... he's an accomplished vagician.
i spent 45 minutes yellng Heather I feel so bad i wanna die and then 45 more yelling I DONT WANNT TO DIE. thats how drunk i was
You were a for sure 10. You put on a traffic cone to meet someone.
Take off your clothes and see if he wants to have sex, that's a good way to find out
So it's official the pockets of my work apron exist solely for the purpose of secretly flipping off asshole customers and not losing my job.
The sex definitely would have been a perk. But not sitting in a ditch was what I was going for...
'allo, good sire. how dost thy day goeth?
oh no. you're at that weird Renaissance Festival thing again, aren't you?
I am an inebriated elf. you may fucketh off.
Randomize
