grad school is all the worst parts of undergrad, without the binge drinking and bad decisions to make up for it
I cannot believe we're comparing my vagina to Mary Poppins and a black hole.
she reminds me of the first time i discovered masturbation. that's how you know it's true love.
I fed the cats at 7 am, made her eggs, gave her oral, and now I'm helping her clean and baking her brownies. Cosmos got nothing on me.
You bought champagne and told everyone it was because I'd just found out I was pregnant. How exactly is that being a good wingman?
Omg. I have a story to tell you later about that girl that just crawled on stage
I found three vicadin and a pint of fireball with the note. In case of emergency drink me under their sink.
I just came so hard I growled. Definitely found my gspot.
I'm gonna play eenie meenie at the bar tonight because it's women's day and I deserve the dick
i mostly like you because you have a nice nose and that's an important trait to pass on to my future children
Sorry I wore your bra during sex last night
so hungover i had to get off the train to puke, rallied and went to work. not sure if that's an adulting win or fail
I'm really excited to meet your new dude! But we really need to find out if he's your cousin first.
I have post one night stand depression
So there i was right, midnight, washing my junk off in my bathroom sink.
Randomize
