Why are you at a bar in Connecticut?
Long story. One that now involves lots of delicious chicken wings om nom nom
she is the female version of PC from the mac and pc commercials..i'll still hit tho
I'm going to take the bottles back.. And maybe get an x-ray
Well, for starters you dressed up in all Green and kept singing that song from "A Goofy Movie". Then you made us call you Powerline for the rest of the night...needless to say no, you didn't hook up with her
Please stop bringing your one night stands to Sunday brunch.
apparently, i ordered a pogo stick last night. i can't even be mad about that.
Dear drunk me, don't shave my balls til you're sober. My junk looks like a pomeranian with mange.
well, I suppose if I had to pick a penis to represent the american public, yours would be it
You're breaking my vagina 4 times a day I reserve the right to know your middle name.
It wasn't until that morning that I realized I wasn't actually dreaming, finding myself in the bathtub with someone laying on me
it was surprisingly calming to be rocked to sleep by his roommate humping on the bottom bunk
He says I tipped the waitress ten dollars because she "smelled like pigs in a blanket."
I would rather you cheat on me then you watch this season of Breaking Bad without me.
I mean in all honesty I would let James Franco shit on my chest. End of story
We're going to get naked and build a fort instead. HAPPY NEW YEAR!
Randomize
