alone in the kitchen at 4 am eating a hotdog.
I called her a whore. 15 minutes later she gave me head at arby's while i was eating a roast beef. best afternoon ever
i'm sitting in the library realizing that the 2 most productive things i did this weekend was have sex and go to the liquor store...
why do you have a stuffed bear wearing a thong and a seatbelt in your backseat??
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
they ran out of ice so they are using frozen shrimp in their drinks
So I gave him a handjob and now we aren't friends anymore
You're at Notre Dame. What did you expect?
We're lucky we aren't prostitutes by now. Whats the etiquette for returning a pair of heels with blood on them?
She came to college a virgin and left on court order. We ruined her.
Chasing 100 proof soco w water from the tap at 4 pm, it's gonna one of those kinda Thursdays...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Honest to god.. She looks better fat. I never would have imagined those words coming out of my mouth, EVER.
There was a pirates of the caribbean marathon on. No matter how much you like rum, it is NOT possible to outdrink the pirates. They always win.
Why didn't you tell me I was calling her by her sisters name all night?
Bitch, he is not your friend and this is not Bravo. Get in this car before you get smacked
Just to clarify, I'm still tripping balls
On an unrelated note, I've come up with a theory of everything
would it be awkward if i bring my husband?
only if i fuck you in the bathroom while he's paying the check
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