I mean roof. it goes up. its important day. you should recongziw it.
You're drunk. Make complete sentences.
It's not luke its my birthday or anything. Mike, understand.
Last night i stole a disco ball from a frat house by pretending i was pregnant.
I though she ruined it by crying, then I realized it wasn’t a tear, it was my great aim. It turned out to be beautiful.
I think my penis and your vagina just became best friends last night.
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You can't see him, he's in front of the dildo, but Amelia Earhart is blocking your view.
She just sucked the buffalo sauce out of my beard. I've never been so disgusted and hard in my life.
I am at 2.05 miles in under 11 minutes. So either this thing is broke or I should always work out wasted.
I wonder if our vaginas are like "o thank god, no strangers breaking in tonight." Baahhhh sooo bad
Ryan friended me on LinkedIn and it took everything in my power not to endorse him for sexual dysfunction as a skill.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Got stiff armed by the garbage man on the back of the truck...I just wanted to ride one block dude
Dude i'm still drunk and i'm feeding a raccoon cereal from my bedroom window
Yeah, so, that moment when the repair guy comes in and you see your cock ring on the counter one second before he does.
His eyefucking isn't even normal eyefucking; it's eye anal.
If you can give me an orgasm, you'll get a trophy.
Just realized tomorrow is the anniversary of the time Dean and I glued DJ's leg back together with Neosporin and an Ace bandage. I'm bringing red velvet cupcakes to the party to celebrate.
Randomize