so i woke up on my toliet naked backwards. good night.
My vag should have a twitter account. It would be like "destroyed another condom today".
Her face was so far in my boobs, I didn't think she'd make it out. She took it like a man. She's a real trooper.
She is trying to turtle bite me and when I pull away she says just let it happen. Then she pulled a poptart out of nowhere
when you wake up in a apartment hallway wearing someone else's shoes, you can pretty much assume last night was a success.
He hasn't responded, but he probably just jizzed in his shorts again, so I'll give him time.
Dude. I realize why I got sick. 8 shots three beers in an hour. Plus I ate an expired lunchable earlier.
he said he needs a little more pabst, some time to jack off and a sandwich and he'll be ready
You want to groom your chest hair? You mean with a little baby chest hair brush? Because that sounds adorable.
A guy was over-the-skirt fingering me on the dance floor and I stopped him to sensually rap in his ear. So that was my Halloweekend
I'm standing up, for my all my brothers and sisters, and fighting against whiskey dick.
Is there a lightning bolt coming out of your boner right now?!
I just feel like if we dated, he'd just be crying the entire relationship
There is blood all over my sheets and no discernible source.
Okay everything with a penis is officially dead in my eyes
Randomize
