I need to hang out with girls who make more mistakes
Sadly him cutting me out of the duct tape dress was NOT the most awkward part of the night. It was a littleeee moist under there.....
I'm sports announcer narrating myself making a sandwich. Your weed wins.
The only thing worse than being hungover is being hungover and not able to open your mouth wide enough to eat a cheeseburger
I woke up on karas dogs bed. Lets evaluate our lives.
Chipotle just hit me... I want to go sit in the corner of the shower and cry until morning.
i forgot to brush my teeth before I went over so i went to the bathroom and started eating his toothpaste. we're still in the early stages of fuckdom
I literally walked into the toilet, looked at my reflection, said "alcohol" and went back to bed...
We're super invested in me shitting to my full potential
I was in a penguin suit. Dick out. I am confident in the value of my pic.
I wonder how long it will take her to realize that I peed in her night stand.
They weren't kidding when they said "Go Army Strong." Best sex I ever had.
Well I've always wanted to get head while playing WoW...
K I'll do it, but mine is going to be WAY weirder. Your not allergic to shellfish, right?
I'm glad you threw up in my bed because now we talk.
How are you and the lady friend?
Well, she's a lunatic, and I love sex, so we're good.
Randomize
