I know, he also has a fancy car to make up for his tiny penis
I woke up this morning with gum gluing my ass cheeks together..
I can't decide if I actually want to know or not..
when i tried to put the condom on he started screaming about how he didn't want his groceries bagged
Trumps. I've been wiping my ass with fast food napkins for 3 days.
Bad Decision October is in full swing. I was telling people that "I put on eye makeup today, I'm takin' a dude home with me!".
Her boobs take up a lot of room so God had to skimp on the brains
possible new low: just washed a permanent marker penis off my cheek with porta-potty hand sanitizer.
also if this is gonna be a sample of how country jam will be, I might as well break up with him now. he spent the night blacked out and I could have been in a three-some.
You ran through a field yelling "I'm frolicking! I'm frolicking!" Then fell on your face. How is your nose today, doll?
I was hooking up with him and then someone banged on the door and shouted "When you get the chance, will you put the weed on the veranda?"
Why are there so many fucking Lambchop puppets hidden around my house?!
so I ate shit in the bar and took a barstool down with me and this guy helped me up and I just started making out with him. I need to stop meeting men like that
Your phone just changed "liver" to "liquor" how dose that make you feel
Ehh, the third backed out. Two still isn't bad. Who gets a bootycall to pick them up from a bootycall's house anyways? Only me.
Why is there a business card for people who need bail bonds in my wallet...
Someone signed my nipple.
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