finally achieved: got laid in the religion section of borders. thought you should know.
I need to stop taking drags of other peoples cigarettes, it's such a tease. Like playing just the tip, you just can't
I just found your spare underwear and the half eaten granola bar you left in my purse.
I wish I could go about my daily activities with his dick inside me
I say we go and bring jello shots with laxatives. 57% sure one of his toilets is broken
I thought this guy walking back to the dorms with his black laundry bag was walking a black flamingo I'm not even kidding I had to take a break on a bench after that.
You're my favorite person
so I definitely just chased tequila shots with a biscuit covered in sausage gravy
Thats fucking manlier than riding a bear into battle
i don't know why he's complaining, i'm the one with four hickeys on my ass.
I'm supposed to nail the old lady at 1:30 so I'll see you at 1:35ish.
do you remember your solution to not spill your drinks last night? .. Shots, that way you wouldnt have time to spill them. i love your drunken logic haha
Sexual favors are the only currency recognized by the Republic of Greg
I work 80 hours a week to prevent myself from just laying in bed and masturbating all day. It's a hands off strategy.
Look, he's a hot korean guy with a motorcycle and a great ass. I'm gonna do head-titingly kinky shit with him.
I am so horny that I an legitimately concerned for your safety when I see you tonight.
He literally shoved the EMT, climbed in the back of the ambulance with his vodka and was like, "C'mon, people. Wrap this up. I got shit to do."
Randomize
