Been drinkin since 3, wearing a tutu, how could things go wrong
It was unlikely that the relationship was going to end with anything other than antibiotics.
he kept telling me that god made these magical balloons called condoms
Hmmm just stalked him and according to his facebook he wants "whatever he can get." obviously he'd be open to the idea.
I have acquired 14 pictures of hard dicks tonight... I was on a mission. Don't even pretend you aren't proud.
She was covered in mud grabbed my crotch and said see that handprint that means I called dibs
Just gave my liver a good luck and I'm sorry speech
I'm laying in my house looking at chocolate pudding drip from the ceiling onto my partially erect penis... Yay for shrooms!
When I go out tonight I need to make sure to be really good. The Easter bunny doesn't deliver to jail
i liked you for your lack of ambition and abundance of weed
I am the fucking FIFTH wheel. How do you think it's going?
And some neighbor just saw me naked and hunched over a bag of potato chips stuffing my face. Maybe clothes aren't a bad idea.
WE HAVE TO LEAVE. I HAVE HAD SEX WITH WAY TOO MANY PEOPLE IN THIS BUS STATION.
I already plan to donate my brain to science so they can attempt to fully understand the complexities of my existence
you don't need to worry about using proper grammar if you're asking for the size of his dick.
Randomize
