Racial profiling caused me to miss two cabs but the third cabs the charm - he's playing Jesus Music
last nights makeup is better than no makeup at all.
so he let me use one of the toothbrushes that came in his daughters 4 pack, purple glittery toddler toothbrush, the next time i came back his wife has used their label maker and put my name on it...
Been drinkin since 3, wearing a tutu, how could things go wrong
she is the kim kardashian of front butts
i chipped my tooth tryin to cut thru her pantyhose. that stuff is bulletproof.
They just kept handing me shots and saying welcome to college
You demanded I give you a glass of water, so I set it down in front of you and you knock it over and roll in it..,
I wanted to be a dolphin.
I think you're going to have to drive me to white haven. I don't know if my brain can handle having my mom drop me off at a strip club.
I flashed a party boat full of Asians yesterday, didn't I?
She rode an inflatable shark down the stairs. Viva shark week.
Of the two of us, which one has licked a drag queen's tit in the past 5 days?
He convinced the breakfast vendor to melt twix bars on bacon for me at 4am. He slurred every word. I think I found my prince charming.
He? As in you personified your dick?
I was randomly pulled aside to have my bag checked. It had 50 condoms in it.
Randomize
