just by requesting 'I think we're alone now', not only did you achieve emptying the bar, but you also rubbed it in the owners face.
And then falling down drunk the next morning, concussing yourself and splitting your head open?
That was pretty sad, but you more than made up for it by using "concussing" in a sentence
she is the kim kardashian of front butts
I just woke up to me licking the dognuts
You mean Doughnuts?
......No :(
I just delivered a ham and cheese to a strip club. you were right this job is not that bad
Some creeps at the festival started talking to me, so I told them I was going change my tampon. Worked like a charm.
I'm so horny
I have no idea who this is, but I'm up for a lecture on self-respect
Now she's making me sit here and look at pictures of guys she likes who look like bears. She's calling them her bear friends.
Just made macaroni burritos. Fukkin awesome. We'll have to try this when I'm sober.,!
Doing tequila shots with my ex to celebrate that we broke up... not awkward at all.
Looked for my lighter in the console and found more tampons. Seriously. You're like a squirrel prepping for a hard winter. A menstruating squirrel.
And we're now at 8 people from the office coming to my desk to ask me "do you feel better?".
This is the second time this month a hookup cried when I left...bro get your shit together bar does NOT equal wife 😬
So I think my neighbor's name is Olli if I'm hearing the girl the girl he's fucking clearly
They left me at home... I'm a liability
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