I realized that I earned the name Classy cassie as i was throwing up vodka slushie in my bed with a guy I know by the name extacy boy
so i walked in, looked up the stairs and all i saw was smashed pumpkin, tube socks, and marinara sauce
he's from indiana, of course he's clueless about "g-spots"
It's official. The summoning powers of my vagina are unmatched by anything in this world.
In honor of Sarah Palin's bday I suggest we watch Nailing Palin
I let a blind guy feel me up. All he kept saying was "oh fuck yeah!"
This is not a costume party, I'm just wearing fairy wings.
Of course you are.
That was awkward , having sex with her while her husband watched via Skype. I'm a porn star or a target. Idk
One day I'm gonna have to send my roommate a "sorry I got high and forgot you were in the room and masturbated next to you" fruit basket
Im eating leftover Easter ham in a bubble bath. What has my life come to?
I'm too high and old for this...
Let's ride this possibly pregnant train together
I want you to know. From the bottom of my heart, that you are a great friend, a beautiful person, and one of my favorite people in this world. But if you ever send me that many messages again at 4am I swear to God, I will push you in from of a fast running rhino
At one point did I say I have a doctorate in fuck u?
It may be a corded vibrator from the 90s but it gets the job DONE
Randomize
