Kris Allen: Jason Mraz mixed with John Mayer and a splash of orgasmmm
he was so drunk he doesn't remember anything. I have to break up with him all over again
Currently bar hopping with 30 Navy SEALS. I know i'm safe but damn its hard to pick up chicks when you feel like a big pussy.
BTW. If I show up really drunk and dressed a cowboy, don't be alarmed
all im saying is that if he was a normal person, he would have fucked me by now.
We sat in his closet and drank four loko out of my camelbak for an hour in the dark. You tell me how my night went.
Apparently I'm short enough to sit on his lap and fuck him while he is driving because the cop didn't notice.
I just singed the hair in my nose trying to re-light a joint. now all i can smell is burnt hair. day ruiner
All I want to do is ice my pussy, but then my husband would probably infer that I was not at a business meeting last night.
The cops spotted my on my walk of shame down the boardwalk and gave me a ride home. I'm starting to make a name for myself here.
If it involves notarization or the Misfits, I am up to date. Anything else, I know fuck-all.
He made me tacos after the sex. Best date ever!
I feel worse lying to the guy I hooked up with than I actually do for cheating on my bf
You thought her boot was a stray dog in your house..
I’m going to fail his daughter so she stays in my class and I can keep fucking him. BEST. ORGASMS. EVER.
Then you can teach the kid to be a home wrecker
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