best part, i was ridiculous and none of them were judging me bc they didn't want my vagina. it was like i was a pretty painting
Dude. Fucked her last night. Fucked her this morning. went downstairs for water. took 18 pack of Coors Light instead and took it back to my gf's. Got a blow job from her. Drinking the beer on my deck now. Best Day ever.
I want to get laid tonight but my sheets haven't been washed since vomiting in them on Halloween :(
God Help those hot young girls. It's going to be like Bambi in iraq. Except worse.
this morning i woke up under the kitchen table. i went to my room and there was an inflatable whale in my bed with a banana duct taped to where its penis should be. there were trails of cheez-its around my apartment and i found $67 in the crotch of my underwear. im guessing i had a very happy birthday.
She asked if my windows were tinted enough for road head.
we took shots then she made me eat a dill pickle with cream cheese wrapped in a piece of turkey.
Cause your way of greeting people at the club was grabbing a tit and jiggling it while yelling a name, which usually wasn't theirs, and guys weren't safe either.
Lol. No. We cannot eat chicken while we have sex. No.
It took all the strength I had tto sit at my desk and not tear off my business attire and run screaming from adulthood and flourescent lights.
So I craigslisted sugar daddies and I'm pretty sure I found us one if you can pretend to be asian.
It seems that Coffee is the true alpha male.
He ran out to tell us that somebody flooded the bathroom, then went back in there fell on his ass and asked why the floor was wet
Fuck twitter. Fuck men. Fuck bras. Fuck flip flops. Fuck makeup. Fuck perfume.
This is the most exciting thing since movie theater hand jobs
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