New requirements. My future husband must have a nose ring and wear headbands.
We are no longer friends.
Is it illegal to masterbate in an airport?
It's spring break, I'm sure it's ok.
I don't think my arm is broken I can still text
She broke up with him yesterday after she cheated on him. He's going a bachelor party next weekend. How has Homeland Security not raised the threat level?
Hey did where's my bong?
In the tree out back .... Top branch on the right
Should I bother to ask?
I kept petting the scarves and telling customers to "feel that shit"
Stop drinking at work.
And I'd make him talk dirty to me. In Forrest Gump's voice.
We decided this year instead of not participating in Halloween at all we are going to hand out free beers to the parents.
Nothing ends a night of heavy drinking better than banging to three six mafia in your own driveway
My Internet history has 23 searches for 24 hour cake. Self respect plummeting.
Sure go ahead and start this 'business' with him...just don't come crying to me when you have to fake your own death in two years
And then she said "welcome homeeeee!!!" As she got off. Best thing about being back from Afghanistan
We had a moment of silence for all of the orgasms he gave me with his beard before he shaved it off.
We had sex to Hey Arnold, Rugrats, and All That. I feel like my life has come full circle.
So.. I was kinda upset i got the bad fuck out of the situation
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