I'm going to use my one free fuck up card tonight.
What'd you do?
Its more like what im about to do.
Bristol Palin says: Remember to use protection
now i know why i became what i already was.
I think misery doesn't even think of me as company anymore. I'm an unofficial roommate.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
so it turns out that "condoms galore" does, indeed, come up on your bank statement
her cat watched me eat her out... I would use the alternate term for both of those things but it's too weird.
Note to self: never do anything I don't want to explain to a paramedic
I don't know. I woke up in the back of a cab in a drive thru line at whataburger with police lights flashing and my friend yelling" you didn't have to sell us out phil!" to the cab driver.
It's been a wonderful constant drunkeness. We played Marco polo with some random like 8 yr olds in the kiddie pool.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
please, i've had weekends with less dignity than this.
if you fuck our toilet off the wall again, i'm going to be so mad.
Can you bring me a corn dog or something shaped like one?
Wait, tell the rest at happy hour. I wanna be able to interrupt you with my loud cackles and stupid questions.
There's a rash on my genitals that would like a word with you.
I just realized this morning that my fridge is stocked with coronas, hot dogs, and cheese dip. And I just got waxed. High-five, your best friend is on track to be all kinds of slutty fun this wkd.
Randomize