Raging hang over. 6AM finish. Shat on a bag of trash in an alley. D L that last bit.
If I die tonight, wear a V neck to my funeral.
One of my friends found 6 bags of gummy bears on the roof. He lives a building over. Apparently even hammered you still have quite an arm
Just saw a picture of your new tub, cant wait to pee in it
nah i think i'm gonna take my landlord's kids trick-or-treating instead. apparently the houses around here hand out wine to the adults and candy to the kids.
You are number one in my heart. But in the dick Olympics you're disqualified.
I'm thinking he has to buy me dinner at least twice before i even start considering casting him for "Fuck buddy - understudy."
you walked around drinking beer out of a plunger and telling people it was a goblet...
I rammed pretzels and Jell-O shots down the throats of those I loved.
Okay. So I've done lines off a bible. But that's just for the sake of being cliché.
My boobs just got me out of my third ticket last night
i'm so proud. i woke up to nearly seven feet of basketball player in my bed this morning
you win. again.
Btw "you gettin a workout in" isn't a great gym pickup line. Like no I'm fucking grabbing lunch on my way to class.
Is it appropriate to be taking shots at 11 on sunday?
Absolutely same thing as church only different
shes rolling around in the floor yelling my vagina hates me
I think/hope James is drunk. He's standing in the front lawn loudly declaring "I AM a popsicle!" Over and over....
Randomize
