And now we're talking about squeezing babies out of vaginas...
Let's pretend this is a good idea before I change my mind.
woke up in nothing but a glued-on tiger tail. they used super glue.
Putting the hydrocodone in Pez dispensers. Do you want Speedy Gonzales or Darth Vader?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
okay, I promise to stop paying strippers to hit you
Dude, you walked in on me 5 times each times you had a different person with you. And each time you lifted the covers up and said 'whats going on in here'
he just looked at me, said "i think i'll keep you around, you put the seat back up and everything," and then burst into tears.
I'm standing at the bottom of the driveway w a sign that says plow me
Winning the lottery was the best thing that ever happened to my penis.
Greatest pickup line ever: "We are out celebrating winning the lottery."
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Either sorry for fondling you Saturday or thank you for letting me fondle you Saturday.
Not great. "Leave the toilet seat down, it gives me somewhere to rest my face."
My mom just walked in and saw a picture of his penis. She then asked me "Do you even have a cervix left?!" I don't know what to feel anymore HA
Yeah well that's a good thing right? Like mothers approval? Kinda like a Fathers blessing but. . . better?
My neighbor was my D.A.R.E officer and I feel like I've defeated him by smoking weed outside everyday
If the amount of time the owner spent looking at my tits is any indication, I’d say I can probably sleep my way to the top
I want to shoot him sideways (so he can still breathe) in the Adam's apple with my little crossbow.
Randomize