I just spent twenty minutes with brandons dad explaining why head isnt typically considered sex...can we say awkward?
I feel as if I owe my bloodstream some tequila.
As if me making pizza in a skillet wasn't enough proof that I was in no state to be cooking, this burn blister on my hand is
Dude I walked in to my house just to be handed a bottle of vodka by my sister. She then said i had 15 minutes to finish it. Moving into my parents place is the best choice I have made this year.
you did a full monologue with your sober self last night. different voices and everything.
Just took a shower for the sole purpose of getting off without using my hands... I've reached a new level of summer-lazy.
sooo trippy being back in town after 5 years. if you had asked me in high school who would be future coke heads, i would have been way off
Keywords: shitstorm, police, jail.
He threw up on my head while I was blowing him, and then I started barfing, and the kitchen floor was a mess. Believe me, he will never, ever live this down.
So I'm just casually at the grocery store when I remember that there's still a clove of garlic in my vagina
Far too many of our conversations end in us talking about sperm
You kissed my hand and then put a Taco in it. Why WOUDNT I leave my husband?
He also sent me nipple clamps because romance is NOT dead
cinco de mayo stole my toenail
cinco de mayo stole my virginity.
You let the ASEXUAL teach sex Ed?!
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