You are still hot in my book. I wanna dry hump u like a 9th grader then hump for real when the herpes is gone.
The walk of shame has never felt more glorious... I think it's the somberero
His little brother walked in on us. Six times.
I woke up wearing a cow costume. I'm not even gonna try to recall what happened last night.
I took the chef home. His dick even tasted like garlic
She's more of a "I'm gonna get herpes no matter how great her face looks like" pretty
We should start a Help That Bitch Out Fund and split the donations evenly between you two.
My boss walked in on me puking in the urinal while taking a piss. Sunday funday is eroding my last shred of credibility at work.
Pierced my own nipple last night, and yes everyone did go absolutely nuts
The cop left me alone after I gave her my spare snow cone. It was a hot and humid day and that uniform looked stuffy. Yay stoner me for overindulging in icy treats.
She just got on the scale. frowned, got off and took off her pants and then got back on
He stuck a cigarette in my butt last night. There is no coming back from that.
Sometimes I look at dogs and just thing about how it's weird we both came from wolves
Lay off the drugs kid
Hungover at Subway, watching a business guy try to squeeze his way past my car to get into his. Bitch shouldn'ta parked over the line.
You truly are a temple of morality.
I am the night, I am justice, I am currently watching the fat biz guy pay a frat boy to back his car up for him so he can get in.
He said they were his favorite shoes.. So I threw one down the sewer. Now he'll keep searching the house for the other one. Sweet silent revenge.
Randomize
