how was the sex?
he smelled like pickles and burnt hair.
well, there's that.
just found a piece of pizza in my dresser.....i remember you saying you were going to save one for later so i'm assuming this is your doing
I think showering with 5 people and a half gallon of vodka was one of the best decisions we have ever made.
seeing two hook-ups in tagged in the same picture will send chills down anyone's spine.
you were sat in the corner crying until someone gave you a baguette, which you then tried to feed to the duck doorstop.
I regret nothing
Omg. The nephews found my stripper pole. The scary part is theyre good at it.
Me and the guy at the liquor store are on a first name basis, college is all about networking.
She wouldn't put out on the first date. I think my boner put a hole in my mattress.
Do you think I need to report to HR that the intern and I had butt sex?
Either he pets my cat or this deal is null
Welp... sober this am and I still have a parrot.
You were in the girls bathroom yelling at some random chick because you thought she stole all the urinals. That's why you were kicked out.
Yeah we've been texting but I don't know how to just randomly throw in sooo the real reason this is happening is because i hear you're a drug dealer
she just sent our roommates a message asking them for a parakeet. are you gonna call later?
I called him my big strong man today. It's all downhill from here. Matching Christmas sweaters, here we come
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