i can't believe i never thought of this: farticle man
Words of Wisdom: ordering a pitcher of whiskey cokes, putting a straw in it, and calling it your drink is not socially acceptable
I'm covered in salsa and facewash. I think I'm doing something wrong over here.
Can you call him, he said something about going to the balcony to pee and now hes texting me saying hes lost
You spilled spaghetti on the floor, and kept telling the noodles to "settle down" as you tried to clean it up
I just wanna lay in my bed all bundled up as have someone feed me lettuce
U should feel bad.. u r like a sex politician. All talk and no follow thru
you were drunkenly making out with a 20-something in front of your wife. at least the guy your wife left with was decent looking.
I think I ripped my underwear last night doing drunk squats
You kept asking us from the backseat if you were driving ok and then you kept talking to your hiccups and yelling at them to "stop it already!"
I was just trying to be a good friend but in retrospect I probably shouldn't have pepper sprayed you.
idk how I feel so profoundly understood by someone whose latest tweet is "labia majora's mask." but I do.
apparently I kept repeating I have a to do list this summer and he's on it
She shit herself again. We're calling her the "Queen of Sharts".
I honestly think sometimes all you need is a $2 alcoholic punch poured from a jug into a big glass to feel better. I guess abblebees is my new problematic fav
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