I faked an abortion last night.
At what point did I eat out of your mouth?
Well, there are worse ways to make $50 at a gay club.
hey you forgot your wet suit in my room you can come grab it whenever
I'm playing a game where i judge myself by whats in my cart. Also have 3 bright red giant buckets
So was it you or me who decided it was a good idea to inscribe fuck you on the counter?
That was me. Just a 'welcome to our home' kinda thing.
Challenge: Try to have your balls hanging out in every picture you take tonight
Challenge Accepted
Its been 4 years since I have masturbated this hard. God bless the Olympics!
Sexual Frustration City, population: Me.
I just tried to give a picture of a dude a blowjob. through my computer screen. I was leaning forward with my mouth open and everything so WALK AWAY
I seriously think I may just have to live here. In this bed. Naked.
And I just want you to know I got myself into this mess. I gotta get myself out. Plus, don't you only need one kidney?
Drunk wound on my leg hast healed and neither has my dignity
tell your brother to quit sending me his dick pics what am i going to do with them print them out and shove them up my ass???
Listen here, Ms. "I'm Gonna Get Super Drunk and Run From My Friends Screaming That They Were Going to Drag Her to a Scientology Recruitment Camp"...
If those panties could talk.
"Once upon a time, Jenny got chlamydia from a magician. The end."
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