OMG Im so trashed fishy! im sitting hereon my bed wif mcdonalds n i look like david hasselhoff!!!!!! kill me now
Its Shannon Doherty lazy not Forest Whittaker lazy
I just saw him at the bookstore and all I could think about was him licking your ass
I told her for every minute she spent down there, I would donate a dollar to the Haiti relief fund... totally worked
Girl passed out in class and vomited. Another victim of syllabus week
remember when I told you about my grandma asking me about my sex scars? Less comfortable than that
I just gave a bum a ride back to his bench. Columbus is weird but I like it.
I'm eating ramen over the toilet. Fuck my life
all I know is this drummer better stop eye fucking me while he plays cowbell. it is way too early for that.
My kid just put flowers in my hair to make me pretty, then showed my boobs to an entire playground. He's either the best wingman or the worst.
I'm getting a car wash man. I am go get a car wash high.
Pretty much just farted directly in a baby's mouth on the subway
He fucked me on the hood of my car outside his work, and now I'm paranoid that the doggie day care next door might have security cameras.
I fucked the midget version of a backstreet boy and I am not mad about it
Hey, thanks for helping me this morning
Always a pleasure to feed you bread as your body lay crumpled on the floor.
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