I want to jerk off but my dog won't leave me alone. It's the most depressing cock block ever.
some kid came into the principals office and tried to explain what he was sent there for through interpretive dance.
I was worried if he didn't show me his penis, he would kill himself
I woke up at 4am on the couch with half my clothes on. And by half my clothes I mean my earrings.
Please don't ever try giving my cat a hair cut ever ever again
thanks for leaving the note with the doctor's recommendations for my lip, they are dissolvable stitches right?
Nope. He totaled my car then moved back to Louisiana to work things out with baby mama. I sure know how to pick em
its kind of scaring me that i am turned on by tom cruise in rock of ages
He took a girl home tonight that he was trying to sell a fridge to. She wanted a fridge and got his dick. He's got a talent.
We just taught the Brazilian how to smoke out of a vuvuzela.
I mean if you can't appreciate a good looking dick then just get out.
I just jerked him off with one hand while holding my wine glass with the other and watching Congo. I feel like this was a preview to my married life...
Anyway, all that to say that tiny penises are a hassle.
This couple is walking their pig around campus
I brought her cheeseburgers and tequila but she's still mad at me.
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