Someone's got a whale tail
A thong is hangin out?
No, a fatty following them
office poll is still running 100% that Spencer Pratt is more disturbing than David Carradine's death
you need to know that there is a kid here wearing an i mosh for Jesus shirt
Right when I walked into the party my boyfriend stood up and yelled, "HEY TITS, GET ME A BEER!"
After throwing up in a tequila bottle on my nightstand (still not sure how she did that) she asked if she could slip into something more comfortable.
...But it's not like we would be the first people to pay for an abortion with student loans and cell phone rebates.
You claimed your dick was a divining rod, spun in a circle 3 times and walked into the bar you stopped in front of...consequently there was a bikini shoot going on
Climbing through a window thats four feet off the ground isnt the easiest thing when youre high, trust me.
After sex he cried I didn't know what to do so I patted him on the back and went to the kitchen to make waffles
i actually texted him "nice to see you" but then there was a saved draft "i think about you when i get off." dodged that bullet...
Stop saying "make it happen". I'm not gonna say "hey, you should get naked with your sister and roll around together while I penetrate you both"
Yes. Do not say that. That will not make it happen.
Still. Make it happen
You shouldn't have to. I think you should bust into work like "pay homage to my magical vagina!"
Thanks for being the best husband and reassuring my fuck buddy that you're comfortable with my adultery. You da real MVP.
You need to finger her with the Spock hand sign since she loves Star Trek.
I just shaved my legs via the sink as to not wake my parents up because I know I'll be having marathon sex tomorrow after my certification exam... so this is life after college.
Randomize
