i just traded a sweatshirt for margaritas... why did they ever stop using the barter system??!!
My life has become a never ending game of 'illegal or just frowned upon?'
successfully started a charcoal grill with 2 shots of everclear and some aluminum foil. i never wanna leave here
There was a dismembered bleeding penis in my dream last night. That's some serious Freudian shit.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My meds have diminished my sex drive, this must be what regular women feel like
You coulda licked the floor this morning and got drunk.
The ranger made you choose between a ticket and pouring all the beer out since it was a state park.
I've never seen you that close to tears as you poured out 30 beers.
They flooded the bathroom and their version of cleaning it up was to throw our couch cushions on it. That's when I decided to chug tequila and go drunk bowling. So hitting the kid with my ball is really their fault.
I mean, you've seen me eat pizza, sober, out of a garbage can, and yet I refuse to go eat at that place. Just sayin....
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I've got to stop being so hungover that I puke in the fine establishments of this glorious town.
I just found out that there's a bar that has happy hour at 12 pm. It's like the universe doesn't want me to be sober
After the day I've had, I can't decide if donuts or fireball would be the appropriate priority.
Turns out he's just a recently divorced IT guy. Not a wizard.
FUCK YOU IM DRINKING WINE FROM A BOX
You okay there or need a ride? Maybe a straw for your box
Maybe a straw...
so in 24 hours i have gotten caught having sex in my car by a cop, almost burnt off my vag, almost got hit by a semi, and got fired. awesome.
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