just heard the best thing ever: calling people's kids "fuck trophies"
I'd do that. But we would need storm trooper helmets.
my roommate and her friend got reaallllly high last night and it looks like they played scrabble. one of their words is "nippal"
Nailed a drunk college girl before the CU game Saturday, and a drunk married woman after the Broncos game Sunday.
Some perfection is debatable.
I know man...but i cant pass up a catholic school girl fantasy
I think he'd cut a tree down for me. He's from North Dakota. That's something hot guys do there, right?
It can't be good... The last recollection I have is singing lullabys to his penis
We're sitting in his room writing songs about America. There's a verse about a dead dog. There's tequila everywhere.
I accidentally lit my hair on fire and we broke the bed. How was your night?
It is very possible that having sex with you just now just got me into Yale
Someone sharpied "COCK HUNGRY" on my butt cheeks last night. When the fuck did I have my ass out?
I woke up and they were watching power rangers in japanese so I just found my bra and left
My wife climbed on top of me, fucked my brains out, and gave me money from the ATM. I'm living the dream.
Don't judge me 👊🏼 his dick just whispers my name
She woke up with her hand super glued to the fridge....how the hell am I Supposed to get her off??
Randomize
